I slowly put down my bag on the small dining table, take a seat and do a little pondering. Something about the text message I had received 15 minutes earlier made me quite upset, so I began to ask God about things.

WHY? Why our family? Why all this? Why now? What’s next? What IS your plan for us?

Indeed, the burden seemed to get heavier by the minute and I wasn’t sure if I still had enough strength for it.  

The message came from my brother, asking for help; help I couldn’t refuse to give, but something I wouldn’t want to do as well. Because I already had enough problems to deal with. Because I didn’t need another one. But there it still came freely knocking on my door. 

I got up and went to the local market to buy myself breakfast. I walked unhurriedly, deep in thought. The trip felt long despite the short distance. It was around 10 in the morning. When I arrived at the empty apartment, I saw another message waiting on my phone, so I leaned forward to pick it up from the table. Curiously, I began to read the message from Dad, only to find out that it was Ate Gail’s. 

We’re bringing Dad to the hospital… 

WHAT?! Dad? Hospital? Numb? Couldn’t talk? I almost choked as I read the sentences that followed. One terrible thing after another… What have we done? 

I quickly prepared to leave, not certain about what’s ahead of me. I dropped by the mall to accomplish Kuya Biton’s request and rushed to the bus terminal to get home. My phone was suddenly frantic. Text messages began to flood my inbox and I was in confusion as who to answer first. I felt helpless, worried, anxious to see Dad and the rest of the family as soon as I can. 

After the CT Scan, Mom and I accompanied Dad in the ambulance. I tried to chitchat with him, feigning calmness. But he could only give me a look, a look that also couldn’t talk, a look that brought me to tears. 

We were again brought to the Emergency Room, and while Ate Gail and I proceeded to exchange a private room for the Intensive Care Unit (ICU) at the Admitting Section, a nurse was putting some adult diapers on Dad. 

Meanwhile, a young boy of about eight years was lying down in another bed nearby, fear irrefutably on his face, while his mother and brother stayed beside him for comfort. His x-ray discs were up on the fluorescent board and it was very evident that he had fractures on his bones. 

Up in the ICU, people crowded the patient from the room across us, weeping. A blood clot had formed in the old man’s brain that brought about a massive stroke, eventually causing his death. 

Amidst our own sorrow, it suddenly dawned upon me that despite everything, despite all the adversities and the tribulations that we’ve been going through lately, it still could’ve been worse. 

Outside, in her most vulnerable moment, Mom broke down to tears – she needed it I couldn’t help but do the same, but thank God for Ate Gail, there was someone else to keep us strong. Several minutes passed by and I ushered Mom to the car. We went home for a moment and in their room, I witnessed Mom as she knelt down and whimpered even more. She started praying to God out loud, pleading, asking for mercy. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her like that.  

And once again I asked God: Why?

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I’m typing this while slouched in a plastic chair, my feet up on another. It’s almost 6 in the morning and Rambo seems to be deep in his slumber, the hard floor and bright fluorescents notwithstanding. Today marks Dad’s third day in the ICU.

The doctor said Dad had a mild stroke. He was dusting the car on Wednesday morning when he felt a sudden heaviness/numbness on the right side of his body, forcing him to sit. Had it not been for Tet, who noticed that something was wrong with Dad, no one knows what would’ve happened.   

Fortunately, the CT Scan didn’t show any sign of blood clotting. Nevertheless, Dad was put in the ICU for monitoring. His speech is still a bit slurred, and some times he still finds it difficult to move his right arm or leg, but if he shows dramatic improvement today, then he’ll be out of the ICU in no time.  

They say when it rains it pours. But God works in different ways. And although sometimes we’re left in a puzzle, it’s reassuring to know that He does things with a purpose.