The last three weeks have been pretty hectic and full of adjustments for us.

Just hours before Dad was brought home from the hospital on the 22nd, Ate Gail and her family moved out to live with her in-laws. It was quite a shift from what we've all been used to and we miss the kids terribly, but we're coping.

Mom, on the other hand, only returned to work two days ago after nearly a month of nursing Dad. Although she could've gone much earlier, she decided to be with him some more until he felt confident enough to be pretty much on his own.

Ironically - and thank God for this - I've never seen Mom look so calm and seem worry-free under such a difficult circumstance than right after The Incident occurred. I think she's really doing a magnificent job in spite of all, and because of her positive change in attitude, she's making it easier for the rest of us to deal with the situation, too. This is very, very critical for the family right now. I'm personally astounded by the manner she's taken care of things so far, considering the many other load she carries, and I can only hope at this point that I get to be as strong as her when my turn comes.

And so with things looking up, I'm delighted to say that Dad has shown a lot of progress since he came home two weeks ago. From having to ride a wheelchair to using a 4-legged walker to just holding a cane, he's now been walking unaided since Saturday. The outpour of love, prayers and support from both our family and friends certainly helped his fast recovery. But more than that, it's his determination to get better and God, above all, that gave and still continue to provide him the will and strength to go on.

A few days ago, though, I almost cried over dinner when I saw Dad having a more difficult time eating by himself. He was trying to hold the spoon when it fell, so I watched as he switched to use his left hand instead. And then he tried again a couple of times, but it just kept falling on his plate. The one time he thought his grip was strong enough to hold the utensil, he tried to reach for his mouth but couldn't. It was as if all his muscles had stiffened, preventing him to move a certain way. It was horrible; worse than when he was still in the ICU.

I quickly phoned Ate Gail to check if that was normal. To my relief, she said all stroke patients undergo this stage when muscles become stiff due to spasticity, sometimes affecting his speech and body movements. Once he's reached the peak of the said condition, his body will start to normalize again and hopefully 100% recovery will follow.

See, although without a cane now, Dad's actually still struggling to drag his right foot when walking. His speech is slowly getting better, but certainly still needs a lot of improvement as well. His right arm is also a little bit out of shape, but we all remain positive.

Dad has been religiously doing walking exercises in the mornings for his feet and legs, accomplishing seatwork we've specifically designed to better his handwriting, and reading aloud to improve his speech. His 'wikipedia', for example, still sounds like 'vikipizza' or 'wikipizza'; 'captain barbel' as 'captain pa-pel'; and 'imposed' as 'im-pohs', among others. He's having real trouble pronouncing any words with 'r' and finds it very hard to utter words in a loud voice. In fact, if you talk to him, you'd find his tone is like that of a toddler's, with the enunciation of somebody who hasn't spoken Tagalog for years. It's actually quite cute, except that it shouldn't be like that.

Also, Mom has commissioned a 15-year old boy who lives just across the street to watch over Dad while we're all away to school/work.  Voks (short for Buknoy, originally Nestor) has been with us for a week and so far has proven himself to be reliable. He helps me out in the kitchen when I cook (oh yeah, I cook now and getting good at it!), in the living room when I dust the furniture or clean the floor, and generally follows our requests without complaining. However, having only finished second grade and coming from a faraway province, his knowledge of things is very, very limited. The kid is surely a major, major work in progress � sometimes he's fun to be with, sometimes he just gets on my nerves. 

This morning, I accidentally injured my middle finger while chopping sitaw. It was a deep and bad cut (it won't stop bleeding), so I quickly went out to get first aid. Well, guess what he said, "sayang, hindi naputol!" One nice thing I really like about him, though, is that after all he's been through at his young age, he can still smile like he's never experienced any hardships in life before. Every morning, he'd come to our house wearing that ever so radiant smile and greet everyone with a strong, "Good Morning!" as if to say, "Hooray, it's a brand new day! Let's be happy. What's for breakfast?" Was kidding with the third sentence, of course. But you know what I mean.

As for other things, Dad has been undergoing therapy thrice a week since his first week and doing regular check-ups with his doctors as well. Last week, for instance, we were in the hospital everyday for four consecutive days doing either one. Oh, and speaking of, I have just one complaint about that last time he had to consult his cardiologist. I think as professionals, doctors should at least show basic courtesy and notify the secretary if he is going to be late because, he should realize, patients and their relatives value their time, too, you know. I mean, you can't just go say your clinic hours are between 12 and 4 then show up at three?

So anyway, yeah, we're okay, thank you. Will write more later.

I slowly put down my bag on the small dining table, take a seat and do a little pondering. Something about the text message I had received 15 minutes earlier made me quite upset, so I began to ask God about things.

WHY? Why our family? Why all this? Why now? What’s next? What IS your plan for us?

Indeed, the burden seemed to get heavier by the minute and I wasn’t sure if I still had enough strength for it.  

The message came from my brother, asking for help; help I couldn’t refuse to give, but something I wouldn’t want to do as well. Because I already had enough problems to deal with. Because I didn’t need another one. But there it still came freely knocking on my door. 

I got up and went to the local market to buy myself breakfast. I walked unhurriedly, deep in thought. The trip felt long despite the short distance. It was around 10 in the morning. When I arrived at the empty apartment, I saw another message waiting on my phone, so I leaned forward to pick it up from the table. Curiously, I began to read the message from Dad, only to find out that it was Ate Gail’s. 

We’re bringing Dad to the hospital… 

WHAT?! Dad? Hospital? Numb? Couldn’t talk? I almost choked as I read the sentences that followed. One terrible thing after another… What have we done? 

I quickly prepared to leave, not certain about what’s ahead of me. I dropped by the mall to accomplish Kuya Biton’s request and rushed to the bus terminal to get home. My phone was suddenly frantic. Text messages began to flood my inbox and I was in confusion as who to answer first. I felt helpless, worried, anxious to see Dad and the rest of the family as soon as I can. 

After the CT Scan, Mom and I accompanied Dad in the ambulance. I tried to chitchat with him, feigning calmness. But he could only give me a look, a look that also couldn’t talk, a look that brought me to tears. 

We were again brought to the Emergency Room, and while Ate Gail and I proceeded to exchange a private room for the Intensive Care Unit (ICU) at the Admitting Section, a nurse was putting some adult diapers on Dad. 

Meanwhile, a young boy of about eight years was lying down in another bed nearby, fear irrefutably on his face, while his mother and brother stayed beside him for comfort. His x-ray discs were up on the fluorescent board and it was very evident that he had fractures on his bones. 

Up in the ICU, people crowded the patient from the room across us, weeping. A blood clot had formed in the old man’s brain that brought about a massive stroke, eventually causing his death. 

Amidst our own sorrow, it suddenly dawned upon me that despite everything, despite all the adversities and the tribulations that we’ve been going through lately, it still could’ve been worse. 

Outside, in her most vulnerable moment, Mom broke down to tears – she needed it I couldn’t help but do the same, but thank God for Ate Gail, there was someone else to keep us strong. Several minutes passed by and I ushered Mom to the car. We went home for a moment and in their room, I witnessed Mom as she knelt down and whimpered even more. She started praying to God out loud, pleading, asking for mercy. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her like that.  

And once again I asked God: Why?

--

I’m typing this while slouched in a plastic chair, my feet up on another. It’s almost 6 in the morning and Rambo seems to be deep in his slumber, the hard floor and bright fluorescents notwithstanding. Today marks Dad’s third day in the ICU.

The doctor said Dad had a mild stroke. He was dusting the car on Wednesday morning when he felt a sudden heaviness/numbness on the right side of his body, forcing him to sit. Had it not been for Tet, who noticed that something was wrong with Dad, no one knows what would’ve happened.   

Fortunately, the CT Scan didn’t show any sign of blood clotting. Nevertheless, Dad was put in the ICU for monitoring. His speech is still a bit slurred, and some times he still finds it difficult to move his right arm or leg, but if he shows dramatic improvement today, then he’ll be out of the ICU in no time.  

They say when it rains it pours. But God works in different ways. And although sometimes we’re left in a puzzle, it’s reassuring to know that He does things with a purpose.

Was gone for weeks, I know. So here's making it up to yah. But only if you have the time.

18-19dec05- finally, finally had the chance to attend the Simbang Gabi after so long. Last I could remember was back in my late intermediate or early high school years. The puto bumbong, bibingka and puto with coffee were just irresistible. Enjoyed the morning talks with Mom and Dad as well. By this time, I'd been wearing my thickest jacket even if I was just home. Yes, it was that cold.

20-23dec05 - nothing worth mentioning, really, except that I probably went gift-shopping twice or so for the boys and the nieces.

24dec06 – got home from work around noon. Had lunch with family and proceeded to working on the video presentation. Slept around 7 to get ready for the Noche Buena. Woke up at 11.30 with my parents and prepared the dining table. Eyes still half-closed, greeted Christmas with scruffy hair, ragged clothes and muta.Then the Noche Buena.

The gods must have put something on my carrot cake as I suddenly felt a tremendous amount of gratification and peace within me, it was almost puzzling. 2005 was not all that great for our family, to tell you honestly, yet at that moment, I was just genuinely happy and felt very lucky to still be sitting there with the people closest to my heart. Kuya Biton led the traditional prayer of thanksgiving, after which we all enjoyed the food together.

Opening of presents underneath the Christmas tree followed soon after. We did it with Tet, Bunsoy (who I shall call Tweety from now on) and Kokay (Sylvester) this time since Kokok already left for Dubai last October. I ended up having Sheena help me wrap my present for her and not wrapping Mom's (two huge pillows, like she wanted) at all, while the rest of them, except the nieces and the two brothers, have already received theirs a few days prior to Christmas Eve.

I only opened one gift this year and that was a shirt from Sheena. Mom and Dad, on the other hand, gave me four really nice long sleeve shirts and a nifty pair of corduroy pants, which we had bought a week before Christmas.

25dec05 – got to bed around 3.30am with Sheena, after dishwashing. Started working on the second vid and finally went to sleep at 5. Woke up at 7.30 after Mom's incessant calling downstairs. Had breakfast and readied for mass at 9. The church was literally overflowing with people and we had no choice but to stay outside. First time in years that we attended the Christmas mass and actually saw/sat with other relatives. Was delighted to see Tita Aning, the birthday girl, after her mild stroke late October.

Talked with Kuya Eyek about that night's presentation as I knew he had the resources to put it on big screen.

Had the Platon's come over for merienda after they visited their parents at the cemetery. Kuya Jerome, Ate Ochie(who I shall call Snoopy from now on), and Kuya Boy treated us with some Tagalog and English Christmas melodies on piano, which was both very entertaining and surprising. I've never seen the last two play until that day. First time we had relatives come over on Christmas Day prior to that night's party, too!

I noticed a lot more kids this year came by for their aguinaldo's. More than a hundred, I'm guessing. Most of them, we didn't even know and vice versa.

Resumed working on the vid at 1 and finished at 5, while everybody slept. With only the idea that I'd use two songs on the whole presentation, it came as a big surprise that when I played the movie and music together for the first time, both were perfectly synchronized. Not to mention, I finished the spiels for both presentations within minutes on my work desk the morning of the 24th. And I've been working on the first one for a week! Talk about Divine Intervention.

Went to Tita Aning's immediately afterwards to transfer files. As the second vid had errors while saving, had to start yet a new one for the last minute or so that was cut. I was very glad I came to the right person. Thankfully, Kuya Eyek had a beamer and had his own 'logistics team' to take care of things, and that was just perfect. Hey, I only asked for him to help me put it on t.v. because I didn't have the cables necessary.

Anyway, when I got home, Mom was angry as I hadn't dressed up yet for the party, when, man, I honestly didn't feel like I still had energy left for it. Had to walk out of her room to avoid an argument. With very little sleep and a hoarse voice, I had to have an energy drink and capsule before even going there.

The party turned out great, however. All my hard work paid off when the first vid (which ran for 5:33 mins) for the opening prayer was played and had several people crying. Tito Rudy surprised me as he opened his welcome remarks with, "Bibba! You made me cry." Woah. Tito Rudy crying? No way. I couldn't even recall him being that serious in his remarks in the past years, since our New Year parties began.

Ate Anna, who was that night's emcee, was also teary eyed and could hardly speak. Haha. I could only silently contain myself with utmost joy. Then there was Kuya Jerome, who, after losing his mom last November and then seeing her photos on the vid, approached me and said, "Bibba, we'll drink all night (if you want), but that's the first and last time you're going to play that video. No more opening prayers." I got him to shed tears too, I later learned. There were other wonderful comments by cousins and aunties, but I'd rather keep those to myself.

The second vidwas longer and ran for more than eight minutes. I had it played right after the family parade and so the timing was very ideal. Everybody now in a good mood, they thought it'd make their tear ducts flowing once more. However, their assumptions were obviously overturned at the onset of the presentation, when I started hearing wow's and wahhh's, and were quickly followed by guffaws.

Altogether I'd consider it a huge success. Them applauding after each presentation was enough, really, but some of them actually giving nice comments about it was more than I could ask for. My intentions were met and that was all I wanted – to make them happy.

The party itself was likewise a success. Tito Rudy handed me three bottles of tequila as soon as the second vid finished, officially assigning me as the night's roving bartender (I guess). Before I knew it, I was dancing tipsily and having a grand time. Thanks to El Hombre, I had the guts to dance in front for our very much unplanned and certainly unprepared family presentation. Ate Gail, Sheena and I performed sort of a tribal dance or however they wanna call it, to the beat of, I don't even know which Christmas song it was, sorry. It sounded like an ethnic version – very nice. Ate Gail gave it a slight twist as well, when she danced as a hunchback, obviously imitating Imang from that Filipino telenovela. It was so hilarious, we had people laughing the whole time. Some of them said we would've won that night's grand prize if there was any. Oh well, gone were those days. All we cared about that night was to have fun. And fun, we most definitely had!

 Another highlight of the party was the Custodio's, who kept saying they didn't prepare anything. But when their names were called, Kristine quickly took the cd from Tita Glor, Ate Dette was like, "did you tell him which track we're playing?" and of course they danced, all seven of them, with choreo and all. The joys of being in this family.

Similarly, the trip to Jerusalem was a blast. I was a finalist, again, but ended up losing to Leah. Again. It was worth all the fun, though.

In the end, I only had my bruises (!) and the muscle pains to show for the wonderful night that was. We went home almost 2 am, albeit a tad hesitant. Had it not been for the parents, we probably would've continued the merriment at Ate Elma's (who I shall call Kitty from now on). Probably.

26dec05 - Woke up with Kuya Archie's sms, asking for a copy of the vids. The whole day was spent cleaning up the kitchens, the living room, and God knows what else. Dropped by Snoopy's at 4 to have the vids burned and to greet her happy birthday, but had to cut the visit short as I also had a surprise visit from Karen, a dear friend, whom I haven't seen in a while after she had left PS in 2004.

Apparently, Karen's older sister passed the Nursing boards last December, so they went to Saint Padre Pio's shrine in Santo Tomas, Batangas, like she had promised prior to taking the exams. There were five of them – Karen's precious son, Aiken, and Ate Nicole's two children. It was an opportune time for catching up and we ended up talking for hours. The kids seemed very comfortable during their stay here and I was just happy to see Karen again. They left for QC before 9.

27dec05 – had to get up early for my godchild's, Divine's son's, christening. Like the previous night, it was a good time for reuniting with friends. I haven't seen Divine since she gave birth last August and I haven't seen Osang since 2003 before she left for Davao for her new job.

Afterwards, I dropped by Paola's for yet another feast as it was their town fiesta. It was supposed to be another reunion, since it's the only time every year that she, Rochelle, and I get to be together. Unfortunately, Rochelle had to go to Manila to buy her dad's medicine and pick up her son, so I left without seeing her and headed to Tita Odette's instead.

Tita Odette sponsored one of the march bands' merienda, so it was calming to hear the Mabuhay once again. After all, I only get to hear it during our May fiesta. The band was rather small and consisted of less than 30 people only. But it played good enough, I doubt everyone but me even noticed the numbers.

By dusk, I was already back home with Kuya Biton and our parents. Although, we had to leave again to shop for a new fridge. I would've pleaded to stay home because of the muscle pains, but Mom urged me to go, so I had no choice. I felt like an 80-year old struggling to go up and down those stairs, it was ugly.

28-29dec05 – It's all work for me, despite the ephemeral loss of voice.

30dec05- It was a bummer waiting in line to get a bus home (because I normally don't have to). But seeing the crowd with their little kids and tons of luggage in tow, all eagerly excited to reach their own provinces and reunite with their families for the holidays, I felt fortunate enough to be carrying just a light backpack under the sun.

31dec05 -  woke up around 4 and by 7 had enough motivation to wax the whole living room's floor. What. A. Relief. I'm about 90 percent sure people here even have the time to dust the furniture on weekdays. It's just Ate Gail, the kids and Dad at home most of the time.

Kitty also dropped by to bring some chico's and the moments that followed were just blur. After lunch, about seven hours were spent in the kitchen, slicing whatnot. And I must say, I've never had to cry so much over chopping onions.

Spent the remaining hours waiting for 2006.

01jan06 – we celebrated the New Year with the loudest bang we could ever produce on those aluminum and steel pot covers. Kuya Biton and Tweety also bought some firecrackers -something we haven't done in the past decade, I think- and her secretary gave Mom some kwitis, so that added more glow (and noise) to our already animated celebration.

The Media Noche was just as satisfying, although I think the blueberry cheesecake was a bit too sweet. I led the prayer this time and was very thankful for another year that passed. Went to bed around 3. That Rambo abandoned his room the entire holiday season to sleep with Kuya Biton, Sheena and me was very reassuring, to say the least. I just love it when we're all together.

Woke up just in time to prepare for the 11 am mass in Lipa, but arrived there late due to traffic. Dropped by Snoopy's at 4 with Tweety to bring the cd I promised her. After an hour-long chitchat and dessert, went straight to Kitty's to drop off the cd I promised as well. Turned out they were on their way to the church, so since I came late to mass earlier and Tweety hasn't heard mass either, we both just tagged along.

Afterwards, it was house blessing at Ate Apher's around 7. Unfortunately, we didn't have a New Year's Party (usually held at Tito Rudy's) this year, so we sort of just held the party there, on the rooftop. It was alright - we had Pinoy food, some brandy, and the undying company of the videoke. Pinoy Ako (Pinoy Big Brother's official song, if I got that right) proved to be still a hit among kids and adults alike, and we danced away to the song each time it played. 'Twas drizzling almost the whole time, but we didn't bother. The view from top was just lovely at night. And to cap the evening, we all sang Auld Lang Syne and left around 9.

02jan06 - Kuya Biton left early in the morning to go back to Manila, while Mom and Sheena returned to work as well. Spent half the day cleaning up and playing with the kids, then headed to Kitty's at 2. Was supposed to go with Sylvester, however she wasn't done yet with the chores herself so I went ahead. I had told Juana (who I shall call Shrek from now on) the previous night that I was dropping by, since, after all the get-together's, I still didn't think we've had enough time to catch up. I was really just expecting her to be home, since Kitty is usually busy on a Monday. But to my surprise, Kitty was also there! So, what I thought would be just a three-hour chat session with Shrek (she was supposed to leave for Manila at 5) ended up to be a six-hour visit instead! We had three-and-a-half bottles of wine, quezo de bola, liempo, some baked delicacies, chocolate strawberry ice cream (the best I've tasted in a while!) and oranges. Meanwhile, rock Christmas songs played repeatedly in the background, while we pretended to play our improvised musical instruments, slightly intoxicated. I had a fantabulous time, indeed. It was crazy. I loved it. Went home past 8, with Shrek and Kitty.

03jan06 - Fulfilled my promise to Mom, at last. Together with the police chief and two other officers and another municipal department head, and riding the police patrol vehicle, I accompanied Mom to various creeks around town to take photos of the rubbish that has been continuously clogging and polluting the said creeks. She needs to make a presentation out of it, to show to the, uhh, people in authority, and she has tasked me to do the job. We went to about seven, including the one where a 6-year old girl was mercilessly dumped by her very own uncle, after he had used her poor, little frail body in this makeshift dwelling. It was very inhuman, I think her uncle should suffer in hell.

Anyway, we had to go home around lunchtime because I still had to sleep for that night's work. Hopefully, we'll have everything finished this coming week so I could start early on the presentation.

08jan06 - Went to mass at 6 am. Had breakfast with the nieces. Did laundry with Ate Gail. Had a mouth-watering lunch, thanks to Mom. Read the Sunday classifieds. Then dismantled the Christmas tree for about 1.5 hrs. Altogether it took me about four hours to dimantle the tree and keep all our Christmas decors in eight separate boxes, a plastic bag and a sack. Sheena and Rambo lent a hand in the latter part, thank God, so that made the job easier.

It was a bit saddening though that I built the Christmas tree last year alone and undid it the same way. Well, there was Danny, our extremely reliable neighbor, who, although he's been present and very helpful in most of our family gatherings for years, is still not a family.

So I was teasing Sheena, 'You should savor this moment now, you know. 'Cos I might not be here this year anymore.' She then asked where I was going, and sensing I didn't have the answer yet, she said, 'take me with you.' Her remarks are so clever sometimes it makes me panic.

09jan06 - A very productive day for me, indeed. I did the living room and the two kitchens, while Ate Gail took care of her two adorable daughters. It was hard, nonstop work, and it felt very fulfilling. Now if I can only have enough time for our bedroom and the study...

Anyway, I've been back to work again since Monday and so far I've been enjoying the company of a new friend, Beth. Another schedule rotation is due in a couple of weeks, though, so I just try to enjoy every moment spent with her. It'll probably be another three months or so before we get to sit or have lunch together, maybe longer, but if Workforce can grant us similar schedules, then the better.

If you're still here reading, man, you need to get a life. Kidding. What I really meant was, I thank you very much. I hope you ended your 2005 right and started this year happy. Here's to prosperity, love and peace!